


Can't Stop the Rain

by remedness



Category: Jonas Brothers
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 15:14:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20176384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remedness/pseuds/remedness
Summary: Joe and Nick give in to their feelings, but the fight for their love has only just begun. Will there be a happy ending?No, seriously, it’s like a telenovela up in here.





	Can't Stop the Rain

**Part I**

**Joe’s P.O.V.**

Joe knew Nick was watching him, he could feel his gaze heavy on the back of his head. When he turned around, he met his brother’s eyes from across the room.

Nick’s expression was hard to read. Or it would have been for anyone but Joe, who knew that look way too well. It was the way Nick looked at Joe, like they were the only two people in the room. Nick had been looking at Joe like that a lot lately.

Right now, Nick’s eyes were saying _‘_let’s get out of here’.

Joe would have liked to. It would have been so easy to just grab Nick by the wrist and take him away from that loud place, full of people they didn’t know and who didn’t know them, not really. They would hide away in their hotel room, like countless times before, Joe would order junk food and Nick would complain but then he would eat it, and they would watch bad TV and laugh at the people on screen until everything else was forgotten and the outside world didn’t exist anymore, except for the two of them.

But then again, Nick had been looking at him like that a lot lately, and Joe was scared. He was scared of what would happen if, for once, he didn’t look away. There had been a few awkward moments between them, and Joe couldn’t deny he had been having… _thoughts_. Thoughts that one wasn’t supposed to have about his little brother. He had never acted upon them, but he suspected Nick wouldn’t have stopped him if he had, and that was what scared Joe the most.

Joe needed to put some distance between him and Nick, at least for one night, and the party at the hotel they were staying at had seemed like a good opportunity to at least try and function on their own.

So he turned his back to Nick, and tried to focus on what the girl sitting next to him on the couch was saying. While Joe was busy thinking about Nick, she had been slowly moving closer, until she was almost sitting on his lap. He wriggled uneasily, trying to remember what her name was.

“Would you like to go outside?” the girl was asking.

Joe could have really used some fresh air. Nick’s gaze had left him feeling flushed.

“Sure” he agreed.

When they stood up and headed towards the terrace, he didn’t need to look back at Nick to know what his eyes would be saying this time.

The girl was raving over some band she liked. Joe had no idea who they were, so he just nodded absent-mindedly. He was sure Nick would have known all about them. Nick’s music knowledge never stopped to amaze Joe. He knew all the best new artists and songs that were recorded before he was even born!

Joe was still thinking about that when he realized that the girl had stopped talking and was now leaning towards him. Before Joe’s brain could process that piece of information, she was pressing her lips to his.

That’s when Joe heard a noise behind him.

When he turned around, it was too late. He had only just time to catch a glimpse of a mane of curly dark hair he would have recognized anywhere.

Joe pushed the girl away so quickly that he caused her to spill her drink on her dress. He mumbled an apology and stormed back inside the room, trying to locate Nick.

_Why_ had Nick followed him outside? Why had Joe gone outside in the first place?

When he spotted Nick, he was already on his way to the elevators.

“Nick! Stop!” Joe shouted after him, but Nick didn’t slow down.

Someone was grabbing Joe by his jacket. He turned and saw Kevin, who was looking at him with ill-concealed disapproval. “What on _earth_ is going on?!” Kevin hissed. Joe realized that a few people were staring. They had probably noticed Nick running away, too. Kevin was constantly worried about what _people_ would think, but Joe couldn’t care less at that moment.

“It’s fine, Kev!” Joe said impatiently, trying to break free from his grip. “Just… LET ME GO!” He shoved him away and ran after Nick. Kevin was fuming.

I’ll deal with him later, Joe thought.

When Joe turned the corner, the elevator doors where just closing. Joe tapped angrily on the button, causing the concierge to raise an eyebrow at him, before opting for the stairs.

As he was running up the staircase, a number of incoherent thoughts were spinning through his mind.

He had ruined everything.

When he reached the second floor Joe was out of breath, but Nick had just got out of the elevator and he was pressing his key card to the hotel room’s lock.

Joe rushed towards him and used his right foot to stop Nick from closing the door behind him. Nick kept on pushing from the inside, trying to shut him out.

“Ouch!” Joe howled. “Nick! Let me in!” he shouted, trying to force his way through the door. Luckily, he was still stronger than Nick then, and it wasn’t long before he managed to get in.

Nick was standing in the middle of the room, shaking. He looked a mess.

“Nick...” Joe whispered, getting closer to him. He just wanted to take him in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

But Nick went crazy. He started screaming and crying, and when Joe went to draw him near, he started hitting him with the full force of his skinny arms. Joe tried to grab hold of his fists, tried to make him stop, but Nick kept getting away from him.

At last, Joe managed to pin him to the floor and used his weight to keep him still, until Nick had no choice but to stop struggling beneath him. Nick’s pulse was racing like that of a bird caught in a net.

Nick seemed to give up then. He curled up, hiding his face from Joe, and started sobbing miserably. Joe pulled Nick’s back close to his chest and started caressing his head and whispering softly to him.

“Shhh... It’s okay.”

It was him, Joe, who had done this to him. Joe, who’s only purpose in life had always been to make Nick happy, had hurt him. Joe felt physically sick.

“I’m sorry, Nick, I’m so sorry” he repeated over and over.

Downstairs, people were probably wondering where they were, but it didn’t matter now. All that mattered was holding Nick in his arms and squeezing him hard enough to make all the pain go away.

“Please forgive me” Joe whispered in Nick’s ear.

They stayed like that for a while, until Nick finally stopped crying, except for the occasional sob.

“We should get off the floor” Joe said when he felt like it was safe to talk. “What do you think?”

Nick just nodded wearily, and started getting up.

“I got you” Joe said. He took Nick in his arms and carried him across the room. He carefully laid him down on the bed and just stood there, watching him.

“Are you going back down?” Nick asked, still not looking at Joe. His voice was so faint it was almost impossible to hear.

“No” Joe said. “I’m staying here with you… If you want me.”

Nick didn’t reply, there was no need to. Joe lied down next to him.

They were facing each other now. Joe let his fingers run through Nick’s hair.

After a while, Nick started crying again.

It was different than before, just silent tears streaming down his face, the kind you can’t stop. Joe knew it wasn’t a silly jealousy tantrum, not anymore.

“I love you, Joe” Nick said through tears.

“I love you too, Nick” Joe replied immediately. Didn’t he _know_ that?

Nick shook his head, exasperated. “No… Joe... I’m _in love_ with you!”

Joe didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say.

“What’s wrong with me?” Nick whispered.

Joe felt his heart shrink in his chest.

“There’s _nothing_ wrong with you, Nick” he said, cupping his brother’s face with his hands. He stroked his cheek, drying some of Nick’s tears with his thumb. “You are perfect.”

Nick looked at him then.

It was the look Joe had come to know, and it was something else. It felt like all of their lives up until then were enclosed in that look.

Nick’s gaze flickered down to Joe’s lips, and Joe couldn’t help but do the same, and he knew Nick had noticed, and then he just knew what was coming and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Nick kissed him.

Joe could feel the saltiness of Nick’s tears on his lips, and Nick’s mouth was so soft and warm it made him lightheaded. It was too much. Joe knew, if he didn’t pull away right now, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Nick... We can’t” he said, breathless.

“Why not?” Nick asked, his breath hot against Joe’s mouth.

Yes, _why_?

Nick’s face was so close to his that he could see each freckle on his skin, and he could still taste Nick’s lips on his. Joe knew there were at least a million reasons why they shouldn’t do this but, for the love of God, he could not remember a single one of them.

“Please...” Nick breathed, grasping Joe’s shirt helplessly, rubbing his nose against Joe’s skin. “Please, Joe... Just one kiss...”

Joe was tired, he was so tired of fighting.

“I can never give you _just one kiss_, Nick” he said wearily.

“So give me all of them” Nick replied, like it was obvious, and Joe could almost believe that is was.

Nick was placing small kisses on his chin, his jawline, the side of his mouth and pulling him closer, closer...

“Joe...”

Joe gave up.

He flipped Nick over, pushed him against the bed and just kissed him, harder this time. Open mouth, wet, his tongue exploring him, tasting him, so deep he felt like he was about to fall inside Nick’s body.

It was bad, so bad, but it had never felt so good. It was everything he had ever imagined it to be and more.

Joe knew that there was no turning back from this, they could never go back to the way they were before. And he didn’t want to.

Not when Nick was underneath him like that, his body so hot it reminded Joe of when Nick was little and he had a fever, and their mom would tell Joe not stay too close to him, but he still would because nothing could keep him away from Nick. Not when he could feel Nick’s heart beat like crazy against him, like it was trying to come out of Nick’s chest and jump into Joe’s.

Joe was thinking nonsense, he didn’t know what he was thinking, and suddenly he stopped thinking completely, because Nick's hand was moving down between them. Joe was so hard it was painful.

“I want to touch you” Nick whispered. Joe had never heard anything hotter in his whole life. It sent shivers down his spine.

Nick was fumbling with his jeans, trying to unzip them without having to let go of Joe’s mouth.

Joe wanted to stop him, he _had_ to, but he just couldn’t.

They were in uncharted territory. It was nothing they had ever experienced before, not even in their strange, co-dependent relationship.

When he felt Nick’s hand slide inside his boxers and grab him, Joe had to shut his eyes and bite his lip not to come there and then.

“Let me...” Nick said, and Joe let him.

Nick started stroking him, slow and uncertain at first, speeding up his pace when Joe started moaning with pleasure.

“Is this good?” Nick asked.

Joe didn’t even have to strength to reply, he just turned his face to the pillow trying to muffle his whining. When he looked at Nick again, he saw that he was rubbing himself through his pants with his free hand.

Joe pushed Nick’s hand away and pulled him out of his jeans, starting to jerk him off at the same rhythm. Nick gasped and thrust into Joe’s hand. Joe pulled him closer and pressed his lips to Nick’s neck.

It was the first time they’d ever done something like that, and yet they knew what to do. It was so easy, and suddenly it wasn’t scary anymore. If he was going to hell for this, Joe said to himself, then be it, just as long as Nick was there with him.

Nick was panting now, making noises Joe had never heard from him, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He wanted to burn them into his brain so that he could replay them in his head forever.

When Nick came crying out his name, Joe couldn’t take it anymore and exploded in Nick’s hand.

Even after Joe had close his eyes, he could still see the look on Nick’s face as he came, like it was printed behind his eyelids. There was no way he could ever forget it.

When Joe started regaining his senses, he realized he was probably crushing Nick with his weight. He rolled on his back and stared blankly at the ceiling for a while, trying to catch his breath.

When he turned around, Nick was looking at him. His cheeks were still pinkish, and he was trembling slightly.

“Are you okay?” Joe asked, brushing a sweaty curl from his forehead.

Nick nodded.

“Do you want me to get you some juice?” Joe asked.

Nick smiled. “I’m fine, Joe” he said, placing a light kiss on his lips.

They were quiet for a while, and Joe almost thought Nick had fallen asleep, when he heard his voice again.

“Joe?”

“What?” Joe replied, without opening his eyes.

“Promise me you won’t do this with anyone else” Nick said.

Joe looked at him. “I won’t” he said.

“_Promise_ me, Joe!” Nick pressed him, staring deep into his eyes.

“So bossy...” Joe chuckled, placing his hand on the small of Nick’s back and pulling him close.

Nick was still looking at him intensely, waiting for an answer.

“I promise” Joe said.

Then he had an idea.

It was crazy, but then nothing was crazier than the way his brother was looking at him right now. And Joe had always been crazy about Nick, since the day he was born.

“Give me your ring” he said.

“What?” Nick asked, but he didn’t wait for Joe’s answer before he took off his ring and placed it in his hand, because whatever Joe asked him to do, he would do it.

Joe had taken off his ring, too. He took Nick’s hand and placed it on his finger. Then he wore the one Nick had just given him.

Nick was looking at him wide eyed.

“You are mine and I am yours” Joe explained.

Nick crashed his lips to Joe’s.

“I _am_ yours, Joe” he whispered against his mouth. “I’m yours.”

They kissed and kissed, until eventually Nick cuddled up in Joe’s arms, exhausted. He buried his face in Joe’s neck and slipped a hand under Joe’s t-shirt, resting his hand against his back and clinging to him like he was afraid Joe would slip away in his sleep if he didn’t.

Joe held Nick close and watched him drift off to sleep, a smile on his face he hadn’t seen in a while.

Maybe, he thought, the best way to make Nick happy was to just be happy together.

**Part II**

_A few weeks later..._

**Joe’s P.O.V.**

Joe was dreaming. He was in a dressing room, getting ready to go out and shoot an episode of their TV series. Someone was knocking on the door, urging him to hurry up. Joe looked down at himself and noticed that he was wearing what looked like a giant bird costume. _Weird_. Maybe they were shooting a Halloween special or something. Joe looked for a mirror but there wasn’t one.

“Joe!”

The knocking continued. Joe really wished they would stop bugging him. Like, how was he supposed to fix his _hair_ without a mirror?

“_JOE!_”

Wait a minute... It wasn’t a dream. Someone was banging on the _real_ door of his real hotel room.

He opened his eyes and saw Nick sleeping next to him, his naked back peeking out from under the sheets.

“Joe! Open up!”

_Fuck_.

Kevin.

“Y-yes! Coming!” Joe shouted, and started shaking Nick vigorously.

“Nick!” he whispered. “Nick, wake up!”

Nick slowly opened one eye and looked at Joe, confused.

“What? _Joe_...!” he protested, when Joe took the blankets off him.

“_Shhh!_ Kevin’s here! C’mon...”

Joe practically had to pull Nick, half asleep and half naked, out of bed and unceremoniously pushed him into the bathroom, shutting the door.

He was heading towards the door when he remembered that Nick had probably been wearing something when he had come to his room the night before.

_Fuck_.

Nick’s clothes!

Luckily, Nick had tidily arranged his things on the chair next to the bed. Joe quickly grabbed Nick’s clothes and shoes and shoved them inside the wardrobe, making a mental note to stop teasing his brother about being such a neat freak.

Joe looked nervously around the room.

He could see no sign that he had been having sex with his younger brother in there. Good. He tried to regain a normal appearance before opening the door and facing his older brother.

“What took you so long?” Kevin asked, slightly annoyed.

“I was... uh... naked” Joe blurted.

Lamest excuse ever, especially because he was still in his underwear.

Kevin looked at him skeptically. “Well, can I come in now?” he asked.

“Erm...” Joe tried to think of a plausible reason why Kevin _couldn't_ come in, but his brain had decided to check out on him: ‘you’re on your own, mate!’ Great, his brain was British now.

Kevin was getting more and more irritated as the minutes passed by.

“Do you have a girl in there, or something?” he asked, peeking suspiciously inside the room.

“What? _No!_” Joe let out an exaggerated laugh, which came out as a shriek. “Kevin, you pervert!”

Eventually, Joe had no choice but to step aside and let him in, silently praying that Kevin’s wouldn’t ask to use the toilet.

“So...” Kevin started. “What’s been going on?”

Oh God, _now_ he wanted to talk! Joe feared that he wouldn’t be able to get rid of him any time soon.

Kevin sat on the bed.

Joe’s brain, which in the meantime had conveniently checked back in, reminded him that it was the very bed where Joe and Nick had... _Jesus_, Joe had never felt more awkward in his life. He wished Kevin would just leave.

“Why are you being so weird?” Kevin asked.

“Dude, we grew up in the same house and _now_ you notice I’m weird?” Joe joked.

Kevin gave him a vague smile. He didn’t really get Joe’s sense of humor. Nick, on the other hand, had always thought Joe was _hilarious_. Nick… Who was still locked inside the bathroom.

“I’m just... really tired” he told Kevin, hoping he would get the hint. “I haven’t slept much last night.”

Which was true, only he couldn't tell Kevin what, or _who_, had kept him awake. Joe felt a burst of heat on his face. He looked at Kevin, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

But Kevin wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. Actually, he had gotten up and seemed ready to leave.

“Okay then... I’ll see you downstairs” he said distractedly.

“Uh... okay” Joe replied, following Kevin to the door. He found it strange that Kevin had gone from ‘let’s have a catch up’ to ‘see ya’ in a matter of minutes, but he wasn’t going to complain.

As soon as Kevin was gone, Joe ran to the bathroom, where Nick was still leaning against the sink in his underwear, just the way he had left him.

Joe took him in his arms. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Nick relaxed into the hug and buried his face in Joe’s neck.

“Come put some clothes on” Joe said. Nick must have been freezing.

“You know” Nick said, while putting on his socks, “I feel bad for lying to Kevin like this.”

“Well, technically I didn’t _lie_” Joe replied. “He asked me if I had a girl in here and I said I didn’t. And last time I checked, you were not a girl, even if you do act like one some-”

Nick cut him off by throwing one of his shoes at him, but he was smiling.

“C’mon” Joe said. “Kevin is waiting for us downstairs.”

“Are you going to give me a kiss before we go?” Nick asked teasingly.

Joe placed his hands on the bed and leaned in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

“I meant a _real_ kiss” Nick whispered, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and keeping him close.

Joe kissed him again, but this time he parted his lips and pushed his tongue inside Nick’s mouth. He kissed him deep and slow, until Nick’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes shiny.

“Like that?” he asked afterwards, a smug expression on his face.

“Like that” Nick replied, his voice a little rough.

Joe gave him one last peck before heading towards the door.

“Have you seen my watch?” Nick asked.

“Isn’t it on the nightstand?” Joe replied casually.

Nick shook his head.

“I’m sure it’s here somewhere” Joe reassured him. “We’ll look for it properly when we come back from breakfast.”

“Yeah, okay” Nick agreed, giving a last look around before closing the door behind them.

**Kevin’s P.O.V.**

Kevin had sensed that something was off as soon as Joe had opened the door.

Joe had been acting weird. Now, that on its own would have been nothing out of the ordinary because, by his own admission, Joe _was_ weird. He had been so jumpy when Kevin had asked to come in, even though Kevin had seen him in his underwear before, and Joe wasn’t the shy type anyway, but it wasn’t just that. It was something else.

First of all, Kevin could have sworn he had heard Nick’s voice. When Joe had opened the door, however, there was no one else in the room. Kevin had thought he must had imagined it. Until he had seen Nick’s watch.

Kevin had seen it hundreds of times on Nick’s wrist, so there was no mistaking it. Ever since their dad had bought it for him, Nick had never taken it off, except to sleep. But Nick hadn’t been sleeping in Joe’s room, because on this tour they had finally been able to get their own room, since money wasn’t an issue anymore. Nick’s watch had no reason to be in Joe’s room. Still, there it was, on the floor, right between the bed and the nightstand.

And then there was the smell. Kevin wouldn’t have called himself experienced in the sex field, but he had done _stuff_ before and he had recognized it. Sure, Joe might had simply enjoyed some alone time (Kevin didn’t even want to think about that), and yet…

_One coincidence is just a coincidence, two coincidences are a clue, three coincidences are a proof_, wasn’t that as the saying went? Kevin didn’t remember whose quote it was, but it sure seemed to fit his present situation.

While he was thinking, his feet had been carrying him forward, as if they had a will of their own. They were leading him towards Nick’s room.

It was absurd. It _couldn’t_ be. But there was only one way to find out.

Kevin stood outside Nick’s door, debating whether to knock. He had a strong sense no one would answer, but he didn’t want to know for sure.

He was still frozen when a girl wearing a housekeeping uniform turned the corner, pushing her trolley along the corridor. The girl stopped and looked at him.

Kevin realized it must have seemed shady, him standing outside a hotel room without going in. He was about to tell her not to worry, that he wasn’t a burglar or something, when it dawned on him that maybe that wasn’t the reason why she was staring at him.

“Um... hello” he said tentatively.

The girl blushed and Kevin was sure she had recognized him. He also noticed the master key hanging from her neck. He couldn’t possibly...

Kevin decided he could. He _had_ to know.

Before he could think it through, the words were already coming out of his mouth. “My brother Nick is staying in this room, do you know him?” he asked the girl.

She just smiled and nodded.

“I’ve tried knocking but he must be sound asleep... We got back pretty late last night, you know with the concert and all...”

The girl smiled again, knowingly.

“Would you mind opening the door for me?” Kevin asked politely. “So that I can wake him up?”

The girl seemed to hesitate, and the smile disappeared from her face.

Kevin decided to play the sympathy card. “_Please?_ Our manager is going to be so upset if we are late again” he said, pulling out his best disneyan choirboy face.

That seemed to do the trick. The girl sighed and finally approached the door.

“Thank you so much! You are our savior!” Kevin exclaimed, causing her to blush some more.

After waiving her goodbye, he slid inside the room and closed the door behind him.

*

Kevin was in the kitchen of their old house.

It was summer, and he was staring longingly out the window, where the sun shone brightly on their front garden.

It was not fair. Why did he have to stay inside and do his homework when the weather was so nice? Kevin wished he could be outside, playing with his friends, instead of sitting there, trying to solve some stupid math problem. Math sucked!

Nick was sitting on the other side of the table, scribbling on his coloring book.

“Kevin, where’s Joe?” Nick asked for, like, the fifth time in the last hour.

Kevin snorted. “I already told you. Mom took him to the barbershop.”

“Why couldn't I go with him?” Nick asked again.

“Because you don’t need a haircut” Kevin explained. “You know” he added, “you don’t have to be with Joe _all the time_”.

Kevin’s tone was slightly resentful. Nick never cared where _he_ went when he wasn’t home.

“But… Mom and dad are always together” Nick insisted.

Kevin wanted to reply that no, even mom and dad weren’t in the same place at all times, but he couldn’t be bothered to argue with a six-year-old’s logic.

“That’s because they are married” he simply said, hoping that would settle it.

Nick seemed to ponder Kevin’s answer for a while.

“I’m going to marry Joe” he said eventually.

Kevin burst into laughter.

“You can’t marry _Joe_!”

“Why not?” Nick seemed genuinely surprised.

“Because he’s your brother, and he’s a _boy_!” Kevin shook his head in disbelief. And to think that their parents thought Nick was _so_ gifted!

Nick seemed to take no notice of Kevin’s last remark and just kept on drawing, a serious expression on his face that would stay with him for the years to come.

*

Nick’s room was almost completely dark, the only light coming from behind the drawn curtains.

It took Kevin’s eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness. Even before they did, Kevin knew what he was going to see.

There it was. Nick’s bed, untouched and unequivocally empty.

Kevin’s mind went blank for a moment, and he had to sit down.

Deep inside, he had always known. It had been in the back on his mind, and for the longest time he had struggled to keep it there. But he couldn’t ignore it any longer. All the glances, the touches, the inside jokes, the secrets, it all made sense now.

Kevin had been jealous of his brothers’ closeness, he couldn’t deny it. Nick and Joe had never looked at him the way they looked at each other. In fact, they had never looked at each other they way normal brothers did.

They had always been in each other’s space, insisting to sleep in the same bed long after it had stopped being acceptable, touching each other too much, all the time. Joe would take care of Nick, and Nick wouldn’t let anyone come close to Joe. Kevin remembered the time Joe had brought home a girl from school. Nick couldn’t have been more than eight. When they had discovered that all of her books, which she had left in the living room, had been torn apart and scattered all over the place, their mom had been so embarrassed. She had apologized and offered to buy her new ones. It must have been the dog, she had said, but Kevin knew as much as she did that it was Nick who had done it.

What was he going to do?

Kevin wanted to confront them, he wanted to run back to Joe’s room and look for Nick under the bed and in the wardrobes, like they do in movies, he wanted to scream at them, maybe even hit them.

But he didn’t.

He just sat on Nick’s made-up bed and cried.

**Part III**

**Joe’s P.O.V.**

“_I know about you and Nick.”_

Kevin’s words hit Joe like a punch in the face.

“W-what do you mean by that?” he stuttered.

“You know perfectly well what I mean” Kevin replied, dead serious. “Don’t even try and deny it.”

It’s not possible, Joe thought. They had been so careful. How could he have found out? Had he heard something? Joe really hoped he hadn’t _seen_ something… He was too scared to ask.

“Please Joe, for once, just tell me the truth” Kevin said. “You owe it to me.”

Joe couldn't believe what was happening. It was like his worst nightmares had come true.

“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.

“A while” Kevin said. “I didn’t want to say anything until the tour was over. It wouldn’t have been fair.”

Of course, Joe thought bitterly. Sensible, professional Kevin, always acting for the greater good.

“Did you...?”

“I haven’t told anybody” Kevin interrupted, and Joe breathed a sigh of relief.

“God, Joe, did you really think I would never find out?” he continued. “I mean… What _were_ you thinking?”

The truth was that Joe hadn’t been thinking at all. Since that first night in the hotel room, his life had started revolving around Nick, at it felt so good that he had just stopped thinking about anything else.

“I thought maybe after the tour you would each go back to your lives and we could pretend nothing ever happened” Kevin said. “But no, you had to move in together and start acting like a couple all over the place! Or did you expect me not to notice that either? Because I _did_ notice, and if I noticed, chances are somebody else is going to notice too, sooner or later.”

Joe knew what Kevin meant, even if he hadn’t said it clearly. The press.

“You must put an end to it, Joe” Kevin said firmly.

Joe took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Kev, I-I can’t” he said, his voice trembling. “I don’t _want_ to.”

Kevin’s eyes went wide. “Have you completely lost your mind?”

“And Nick…” Joe continued, “He wouldn’t let me. He wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with him.”

“He’s a _kid_, for fuck’s sake!” Kevin yelled, “He doesn’t _know_ what he wants!”

Joe had never heard Kevin curse, and it scared him more than any threat or insult he could have thrown at him.

“You can’t possibly keep this up, Joe” Kevin repeated, trying to get him to reason. “This is _so_ wrong, on so many levels, I can’t even-”

“Look, I _know_ it’s wrong, alright?” Joe said, exasperated. “And it’s a _major_ sin and all of that...”

“It’s not just a _sin_, Joe, it’s a _felony_!” Kevin yelled. “People get sent to prison for stuff like that!”

Kevin sighed.

“Have you thought about our parents?”

Joe’s heart sank. He was gonna _go_ there.

“Did you ever stop and think about what would happen if they were to find out?” Kevin asked. “It would _kill_ them, Joe!”

Joe closed his eyes, trying to fight back the tears. Suddenly he didn’t want to listen anymore.

Kevin seemed to realized he had gone too far, and his tone became softer.

“Listen, Joe... I know how lonely it can get on tour” he said, shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other, “and you two have always been so close, _too_ close, and then puberty kicked in, and you got a little carried away… I-I understand that...”

Joe never in a million years thought they would be having this conversation. He was mortified.

“It’s not like that” he whispered.

“How _is_ it, Joe?” Kevin asked.

“I love him, Kevin.”

Kevin remained silent. He didn’t seem angry anymore, just sad.

“If you really love him, you will do what’s best for him” he said. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but the truth is that you are hurting him, and you will end up ruining both your lives if you don’t stop this madness.”

Joe hid his face in his hands.

“I just want him to be happy” he said.

“I know” Kevin said softly, “but do you really think he could be happy spending his life hiding and keeping secrets from everyone, including the ones he loves the most? Don’t you want him to have a real life, a _normal_ life?”

Joe hated to admit it, but Kevin was right. He could never make Nick completely happy, not the way he deserved to be.

“Talk to him, Joe. Before it’s too late.”

After Kevin left, Joe decided to go for a run. He knew Nick would be home soon, and he wasn’t ready to face him yet. So he ran and ran, trying to find the courage to face his brother. When he got home, he still wasn’t ready.

The second Joe opened the door, Nick was all over him.

“I’ve missed you” he told Joe in between kisses. “I couldn’t wait for you to get home.”

“Yeah, m-me too” Joe replied awkwardly.

Nick went in for another kiss, and Joe turned away.

“What is it?” Nick asked, confused.

“I’m sweaty... and I smell” Joe said, trying to get away.

“I don’t care...” Nick said, burying his face into Joe’s damp hair, “_I like it_.”

Nope, Joe definitely wasn’t ready to do this.

“I-I’m going to take a shower, okay?” he said, wriggling away from Nick.

“Can I join you?” Nick teased him.

“NO!” Joe replied, a little too fast. “I mean… I’m _beat_...”

Nick was starting to look annoyed and slightly concerned.

Joe ran upstairs and locked himself inside the bathroom. He was shamefully hard in his shorts, because Nick had that effect on him. He turned on the cold water and stepped into the shower, hoping it would help him clear his mind.

When he got back downstairs, Nick was in the kitchen.

“I got noodles for dinner, is that okay?” he asked, while drying the cups Joe had left by the sink and putting them back in the cupboard. “By the way, the meeting was a _drag_” he continued, ignoring Joe’s lack of response, “and you should have seen the look on Greg’s face when they told him-”

“Nick...” Joe interrupted him. “We need to talk.”

“Uh... okay” Nick dropped the towel and looked at him, waiting.

Joe couldn’t bring himself to speak. What was he going to say to him? He had been looking for the right words since Kevin had left the house, but there were no right words for what he was about to say.

“Joe, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me...” Nick was saying.

This was the hardest thing Joe had ever had to do. Harder than singing in front of thousands of people. Harder than being on the road for months on end, not knowing the next time he would be home. Nick had always been with him then, and Nick was home to Joe.

“We can’t do this anymore” he spitted out.

“Do… what?” Nick asked warily.

“This... _thing_ that has been going on between us, it needs to stop” Joe said, trying his best to sound determined.

“You _can’t_ be serious” Nick said, incredulous.

“…and I think it would be better if we didn’t see each other for a while” Joe continued.

Nick was lost for words. Joe would have given anything not to see the look on his face at that moment. Confusion. Pain. Betrayal.

“I’m always going to love you, Nick, always” Joe said, trying to reassure him. “But from now on we’ll be just brothers, nothing more.”

“I don’t want to be _just_ your brother, Joe!” Nick shouted at him. “How can we be just brothers after all that’s happened between us, after what we’ve _done_?”

Joe didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Have you forgotten what we’ve done?” Nick asked, looking at Joe defiantly.

“Nick, don’t do this...”

“Don’t you remember what we did last night?” Nick continued, testing him. “Is that something _brothers_ do?”

“Nick, please stop...” Joe begged.

“What was I to you?!” Nick yelled, glaring at him. “A way to pass the time while we were on tour?”

“You know that’s not true” Joe whispered.

“Then why are you doing this? I don’t understand!” Nick’s lips were trembling and he was close to tears. “We were fine this morning, what could possibly have happened to make you change your mind about us?”

“I’ve been… thinking” Joe said.

He couldn’t tell Nick about Kevin. He knew Nick would hate their brother for it and Kevin didn’t deserve that. He had really just been trying to do the right thing.

“You’ve been _thinking_” Nick repeated, moving dangerously close to him. Joe tried to move away, but his back was against the couch. He was trapped.

Nick placed his hands on Joe’s face and pulled him close, resting their foreheads together, just like they did when they were younger, and looked him in the eyes. Joe could feel Nick’s eyelashes on his cheeks.

“Don’t you like me anymore?” Nick whispered.

“Of course I do.” It was no use trying to lie, Nick could always see right through him.

Nick was running his fingers through Joe’s hair and placing small open mouth kisses on his neck. There was no way Joe would ever be able to go through with this if he didn’t put some space between them.

“I have to go” Joe said, taking Nick’s hands off his neck.

“Don’t, Joe...” Nick whined. “Please Joe, don’t go.”

Nick wrapped his hands tightly around Joe’s waist, refusing to let go of him. Joe was sure he would have bruises the next day from the grip of Nick’s hands on his hips. Nick kissed him fiercely, wildly. When Joe tried to push him away, he bit his lip until it bled.

Joe grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door. The metallic taste of his blood wasn’t nearly as strong as the taste of Nick’s tongue in his mouth.

“I hate you!” he heard Nick cry desperately after him as he closed the door.

“I love you too, Nick” Joe whispered, as he stepped away from the thing he cherished the most in the whole world.

**Part IV**

**Nick’s P.O.V.**

Since Joe had left, Nick had been in a very dark place. Well, that was the euphemism of the century.

The band was no more, obviously, and Nick had stopped seeing everyone except for a maid who came to the house once a week to keep the place from falling apart.

Nick didn’t see his family much anymore, either. It had become too difficult to explain to them why he was aching so much, all the time. His parents had convinced themselves that the end of the band had caused him to go into a deep depression, and he had let them believe it. It wasn’t like he could tell them the real reason, anyway.

He ate just enough to keep his levels from collapsing and spent his days listening to records his producing company kept on sending him in the hope he would go back to work. He kept the sad ones, and returned the rest.

Nick had a king bed, but he always ended up sleeping on the left side. Joe had always slept on the right side, ever since they were kids and Nick would slip into Joe’s bed and curl up next to him listening to him breathing, driven by something he couldn’t name at the time. Even while they were living together- ..._well_, Joe had been sleeping on the right side then. The bed seemed so empty without him, tossing and turning and spreading his limbs everywhere, that sometimes Nick preferred to just sleep on the couch.

When Kevin came knocking on his door one day, Nick pondered whether to let him in. He hadn’t showered in a while and he must have looked terrible. On the other hand, there was no way Kevin would have believed he had gone out, and if Nick hadn’t answered the door he would have probably called the police. So he let him in.

Kevin told him everything. How he had found out about him and Joe and persuaded Joe to end it. At first, he had thought it was the right thing to do, but as the time went by, he had seen just how miserable they both were without each other and he couldn't take seeing them suffer like that any longer.

Joe was miserable, too? Nick’s heart did a back flip in his chest. Not that he was happy to hear that his brother was hurting, but it was such a relief to know that Joe felt as bad being away from Nick as Nick felt being away from him.

All that time, Nick had believed that Joe didn’t care about him anymore, at least not in the way Nick wanted him to. And all that time, Joe had been suffering just as much as him, trying to do what he thought was best for the both of them, for everyone, and carrying the weight of that terrible decision on his shoulders, without Nick there to hold him. It was too painful to think about.

Nick didn’t say a word, he just listened to Kevin talk and talk.

“I don’t understand it” Kevin said at the end, “and I probably never will. But you are my brothers and I love you, no matter what.”

Nick hugged him, and all the tears he had been holding back over the last months seemed to come out at once. Kevin cried, too.

When they finally managed to get a hold of themselves, Kevin said: “So, shall we go see him?”

Nick stared at him, his heart pounding.

“What?” he asked, breathless. “Is he...?”

“I asked him to meet me at my house this afternoon. Danielle and the kids are at her parent’s house for the weekend” Kevin explained.

Nick felt a whirl of emotions go through him, and it made his head spin. He was going to see him. He was going to see _Joe_.

“Does he know...?” he asked.

“I didn’t tell him you’d be there” Kevin answered. “I figured it would be better this way.”

Nick nodded.

“Nick... I’m sorry” Kevin said, and Nick knew he meant it.

He knew how much it must had cost Kevin to accept what he and Joe had, and Nick loved him for it. What had happened before didn’t matter. He was going to see Joe. Now that he knew everything, he wouldn’t let him go again. This time, he was ready to fight for him.

When he heard the doorbell ring, Nick jumped like it was a fire alarm.

He had been pacing up and down Kevin’s living room for the last hour, and when Kevin had begged him to just sit down, he had started biting his nails, which he hadn’t done since he was a little kid.

Kevin looked at him and blinked encouragingly before going to open the door.

When he heard Joe’s voice in the entryway, Nick thought he was going to die.

He remember the last time he had spoken to Joe. Nick had called him in the middle of the night, babbling incoherently about how much he missed him. He might have been drinking. He might have cried and begged Joe to come home. He vaguely remembered telling Joe that he was going to kill himself if he didn’t take him back. “Go to sleep, Nicky” Joe had told him. _Nicky_. Joe hadn’t called him that in a long time. Nick pretended he didn’t like it when people called him Nicky, but the truth was that he only liked it when Joe did. After Joe had hung up on him, he had grabbed an old t-shirt Joe had left at the house and had pressed it to his face while he jerked off. Nick blushed at the memory. How pathetic. After that night, Joe had stopped picking up the phone.

When Joe turned the corner, Nick felt his heart melt beneath his shirt. God, he was so beautiful.

It was like time had stopped. They just looked at each other.

Kevin’s gaze was jumping from Nick to Joe and from Joe to Nick. Then, suddenly, he realized that he was supposed to say his line. “I've just remembered I have to... um... yeah. See you later!”

Nick couldn’t help but smile. He really thought Kevin’s years as an actor had taught him better.

Just like that, Kevin was gone.

Joe was still staring at him, like Nick was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. Nick had missed that look, just like he had missed everything else about Joe.

Joe’s eyes started filling with tears.

Nick knew what to do. He had always known what to do, way before Joe ever did.

“Nick...” Joe started.

But there was no need for words. There never had been between them.

So Nick didn’t say anything. He just jumped in Joe’s arms and kissed him, just like he had done the first time. He kissed Joe desperately, like his life depended on it, like he was drowning and kissing Joe was the only way to stay afloat.

Oh, how he had missed him.

“Nick... I-”

“Shhh...” Nick hushed him. “I know. I know everything.”

Nick kissed him again, swallowing Joe’s guilt. Joe tasted just the same.

“I’ve been going crazy without you” Nick panted in his mouth.

Nick didn’t remember reaching the guest bedroom. He was too focused on getting every part of Joe’s body to touch his. He wanted to put his mouth on every inch of Joe’s skin.

Nick yanked Joe’s underwear down and took him in his mouth. He watched as Joe tilted his head back and moaned. Nick wanted to make him feel so good, he wanted to make him lose his mind with his mouth… But it still wasn't enough, he wanted more.

He had waited so long to be with him like that again.

“I need you inside me” Nick whispered.

He lay down on the bed and pulled Joe on top of him. He wanted to feel the weight of Joe’s body on his body. Joe started pushing his fingers slowly inside him, touching him where only he could, making Nick shake all over.

“I want you... so bad” Joe breathed.

“Take me” Nick hissed.

When he felt Joe slide inside him, Nick gasped. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to have his brother inside his body, stretching him and filling him up. It was painful, the best kind of pain he had ever felt, and then it wasn’t, and it was just so good. He grabbed Joe’s ass, taking him in deeper. They should have never stopped doing this, Nick thought, he never wanted to stop doing this.

Joe was thrusting inside him and Nick wanted to take everything. He wanted all the days Joe had spent without him, the silly jokes he had said, the places he had been, the people he had seen, the foods he had eaten... He wanted everything and more, he wanted to keep Joe inside him forever.

“Don’t ever leave me again” Nick whispered, clawing Joe's back and biting his shoulder as he came against Joe’s stomach.

When Joe came, it was screaming Nick’s name, and Nick knew that he was everything Joe would ever need. Everything was right in the world and, for the first time in a long time, he felt at peace.

Out of nowhere, Joe jumped from the bed.

“Kevin!” he panicked, like he had just remembered where they were. “He can’t find us like this!”

“Don’t worry” Nick smiled. “I told him to take his time.”

He grabbed Joe and pulled him down again. He wanted to lie in his arms a little longer, their legs intertwined, just looking at him.

“What are we going to do, Joe?” he asked after a while.

Joe shrugged.

“I was thinking a shower, maybe get something to eat? Or we can go again, if you want...” he said, resting his hand on Nick’s hip.

Nick giggled and gave him a shove. “I meant… what are we going to do _about us_.”

Joe looked at him, serious this time.

“Whatever you want, Nick” he said. “Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll do it.”

Nick hesitated. He knew what he wanted, but was Joe ready to give it to him?

“Take me away.”

Joe just stared at him. He didn’t seem that surprised. Maybe he had thought about it, too. There was no way they could stay there if they wanted to be together, surely Joe understood that.

“But Nick, what about our jobs… your music...”

“I don’t care about any of that. I just want to be with you.”

Joe was still hesitant.

“What about our parents?” he said. “And Kevin, and Frankie, and everybody else... Would you be able to just leave them behind?”

“I love them, you know I do, but I’ve always known the moment would come when I’d have to choose” Nick said, his voice firm. “I choose you.”

“Are you sure about this?” Joe asked.

“Joe” Nick said calmly, “I have loved you all my life… Like, _literally._” He smiled at Joe and he couldn't help but smile back. “I don’t ever want to be without you. _Yes_, I’m sure.”

After that, Joe was silent for a while. When he started talking again, his tone was cautious, like he didn’t want Nick to get too excited.

“We’ll have to think about the whole thing very carefully” he said. “It’s not something we can do overnight.”

Nick grinned. He knew he had won.

Sure, there was lots of planning and organizing to do, but wasn’t that what Nick did best? Nick wasn’t naive, he knew that it wouldn’t be easy, that there would be bumps in the road and all kinds of obstacles placed in front of them.

But they would deal with them from tomorrow, just like they had always done.

Together.

**The End**


End file.
